Supernatural skin secrets revealed

WARNING: If you prefer having dry, itchy, red, flaky, cracked, wrinkly, irritated skin or oily, breakout and acne prone skin, DO NOT read any further. Seriously!!!!

HOWEVER: If you want to know the ancient secret of supernatural beauties like Cleopatra and Helen of Troy. If you want beautiful, glowing, healthy skin, no matter what your age or gender is, read this article. Seriously!!!

I will embark on this article by unashamedly admitting that I am not exactly sure why it took me until I was nearly 40 to put all the puzzle pieces together. Somehow, in the corners of my clouded mind, I knew this secret all along. It was like a whisper you think you hear but then turn to listen, only to dismiss it as the wind in the trees. It was such a "slap-your-forehead Duhhhhhh" moment when I comprehended the solution to ALL my skin problems. Now I feel like the Dad in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". You know how through out the entire movie he keeps saying in that adorable Greek accent, "Put Windex on it"? Well now, I am totally the same way but with...wait for it....are you really ready for this earth shattering secret to beauty? I am sure you have some in your kitchen right now....here it is ladies and gentlemen...Olive Oil. Let that sink in for a moment. Let it marinate while you continue reading. (Marinate...Olive Oil...ahahah...I crack myself up).

Now, I know, I can hear you groaning in disgust and saying, "okay she has officially lost her mind". But, just keep reading and I promise you will, at the very least, be curious. And, if you are brave enough, you will try it and then write me, thanking me for your beautiful new skin, from head to toes and for saving you untold sums of cash on skin care products.

My journey towards this most bodacious discovery was rather clumsy, if I do say so myself . I am sitting here pondering the first time I thought to use olive oil for anything other than cooking. A summer concert pops in my head. I think it was the summer of 2007, my friend Jason and I went to a see Blue October, I think. Stay with me. I know this seems an odd turn of events. He wanted to look like a cool rocker dude. So, he painted his nails black and asked me to put some black eyeliner on him. At the time, I was a MAC Makeup Artist (Perhaps not known to those who don't wear department store cosmetics. MAC is one of the most sought after companies worldwide for fashion, print, TV and film). The following day he called in near panic due to the fact that he was unsuccessful at removing my awesome no-run eyeliner. He tried soap like three times till his eyes were red and swollen. For some reason, he didn't want his son to see him wearing makeup. I guess Dad's can only be cool rocker dudes at a concert but not in the light of day. I asked him, "Do you have any olive oil in your kitchen?" He lets out a confused and slow, "yeahhhhhh". I tell him to soak a cotton ball with the oil and swipe it across his eyes, should work like a dream and help to soothe his irritated eyes to boot. Hello, Amanda, clue phone, it's for YOU!


The next time also included my friend Jason. I was at his house and he was trying to clean up some sticky mess left behind by a price sticker. I asked if he had some Goo Gone. He didn't, so my next question was of course, "Do you have some olive oil?" He looked at me like I was crazy and said, "What is it with you and olive oil?" I said, "What? Like dissolves like. What do you think Goo Gone is? It's orange oil." Sure enough...sticky mess cleaned by olive oil. Clue number two goes swooshing by my face. Oh look, there it goes!

As I went hurtling through my thirties with my skin on fire, I painfully began to realized that I was literally metamorphosing into my mother. HORROR on so many, many levels. But that is another story for perhaps the stand-up comedy stage. I digress, she has extremely dry skin. So much so, that by the time she was in her late 40's she had to stop using soap products all together. Sure enough, I started having similar problems. White bumps on my arms and legs. My skin was flaking off just like Ally Sheedy in the movie The Breakfast Club, only all over my body. I developed calloused feet and red splotches on my calves. There were days during Pastry School that the palms of my hands were white like chalk and my cuticles were cracked and painful from all the soap and sanitizer used to wash dishes.

While I was working in the cosmetic industry (from 2005-2008) I tried EVERYTHING and I mean everything, in that department. I took home samples from Chanel, Philosophy, Trish McEvoy, Shiseido, Clinque, Bobby Brown and of course MAC to name a few. I scrubbed, polished and slathered on the most expensive creams, tonics and exfoliates (both chemical and scrubs) to cure my ever saddening skin. Here was clue number 3 that I still didn't catch. At Nordstrom, we had an Elemis facial spa in the department. As a promotion, the esthetician  offered a free facial for every person who booked three appointments for her. It was the first time I had ever had such a fancy professional facial. I remember walking out and looking at my skin in total astonishment. Holy SHIT, my skin looked young, dewy, fresh, healthy and not at all dry, flaky, red or irritated. She showed me the Bliss Capsules she used (over $100 for a 30-day supply). So, I set out to "win" them from her with more appointment bookings. The tiny pink and green capsules (one for morning and one for night) appeared to be filled with some miracle oil that was infused with fresh herbs. They worked like a dream, but I couldn't afford it honestly. I resigned to the fact that I would have to suffer having dry, flaky skin for the rest of my life, just like Mom.

You know what? I am willing to bet a sizable amount of cash that those little suckers were just pure olive oil or some blend of other natural oils. Certainly, not even the packaging was worth $100. We women are such suckers for packaging, a great sales pitch and more than anything RESULTS. We get hooked faster than a crack addict.


Let's fast forward to last year, 2010. My faux-nephew Aiden (5 years old) has eczema, since he was born. During one of his trips to the kid barber his parents ask about a build up of thick skin he had on his scalp. The lady tries to sell them a bottle of some miracle shampoo cure. Only at the time, younger brother Jack (3 years old) has developed a new fascination with pouring all liquid bath products on the carpet. Fun times, to say the least. So my sistah-friend Trina, explains the situation and asks if there is any other solution. OLIVE OIL she confesses will do the same thing. Who freaking knew? Well she did obviously. It worked like a dream. Another missed clue sent straight to voice mail.

About this time, I start getting really depressed about my skin. I decide I am going to start using baby oil in the shower like I did in my early 20's. It helps a little but not really. I coat my feet with a tablespoon of Vaseline on each foot, cover with a sock and wake up to dry feet...Arggggggggggh!!!! During the summer I bought some scented massage oil from a friend who makes her own line of bath products and candles. She even hinted at this secret by saying, "You know, everything in that bottle minus the fragrance you can find in your kitchen." My lame-sauce response was simply, "Really?" Apparently I am totally deaf when it comes to catching onto these clues that the universe is so desperately trying to enlighten me with.

Long about this time, after much complaining to my sistah-friend Trina, she suggests that I stop using soap all together and bathe in oil with some sort of scythe, like the Egyptians did before Christ appeared on the earth. "Ewww NO!" She rolls her eyes, shrugs her shoulders and returns to some facebook game she's playing. I can just see Mother Nature with her chin resting in one hand, the other hand strumming her fingertips rhythmically on her desk, eyes cast upwards, sighing heavily in frustration, saying, "My dear darling Amanda, will you please open your eyes and ears? How many more clues can I toss your way before you get it?"

So, by now I am sure you are asking yourself after 1,515 words and 15 paragraphs (hmmm curious....that worked out nicely without even trying. The mysteries of the universe and my magical powers will have to wait until after I finished writing this verbose article) when in the hell did you finally come to this knowledge about olive oil as skin care? The simple and honest truth was that I fell in love with a new cooking show on the Cooking Channel called Extra Virgin. Ironic, don't you think (do you hear Alanis in your head too when you say, write or hear those words)?   Well, after searching the show online I discovered that the couple (Debi Mazar and Gabriele Corcos) have a website called "Under the Tuscan Gun" and there is a video with Debi talking about how she used the olive oil from their Tuscan Farm all over her body while she was pregnant and didn't get a single stretch mark. Her hair and skin have never been so healthy and beautiful. SMACK...right in the middle of my eyes. There is was. I immediately started researching olive oil cleansing while all the hints start playing like a symphony in my hears. OF COURSE!!!!!

Here is what I discovered. Using a blend of Castor Oil ($4 at Wal-Mart for a 4 oz bottle) and Olive Oil, I had a cleanser and a moisturizer. The Castor Oil will draw out the debris in your skin and dry it out and the Olive Oil will moisturize and HEAL your skin. Yes, dear reader, I wrote heal. Ratios to follow. I used this blend on my face and saw an immediate improvement that was still there the next morning. No flakes, less redness and it didn't feel like my face was being pulled tight. The surprising part was my feet. I watched it soak effortlessly into my skin and when I woke up, holy shit, my feet were actually soft!!! No sign of dry, cracked heals. Days before, I noticed that I was developing a thick callous on my right index finger from using a chef's knife. As a bonus of using my hands to spread the oil, my callous was gone in just two days. For REAL!!!!!

Here is the method:

Pour about a quarter's size worth of oil into your palm. Gently massage the oil over your face and throat for a minimum of 1 minute, longer if you have the time. Then, either jump in the shower and let the water steam open your pores or do two to three rounds of steaming with a wash cloth. Then rinse and pat dry. For moisturizer, use a tiny drop of the blend and rub it in your palms till the oil is warm then press your palms to your face and throat gently. The oil will transfer and soak in without a greasy feeling.

I use pure olive oil on the parts of my body that don't have bumps or blemishes. I will warn you, the Castor oil will draw up the embedded impurities beneath your skin's surface. I had two sebaceous cysts that actually came to the surface. The bumps on my arms, thighs and under my breasts have shrunk noticeably and I expect that over the next few months will completely disappear.  My shins are no longer ashy and flaky. Every night I rub my feet together and marvel at the silky smoothness. So try to look at as temporary purging during the first two weeks if you notice your skin "breakout". It just means it's working. Promise.

Here are the ratios:
Dry/Sensitive skin = 1 part Castor oil and 2 parts olive oil
Normal skin = Equal parts Castor and olive oil
Oily/Acne skin = 2 parts Castor oil and 1 part olive oil

I do this cleansing routine on my face nightly and use the pure olive oil as moisturizer daily as well. My friends (Jason and Katrina) have purchased liquid soap pumps to dispense their blends but I put mine in a oil bottle with a pour spout, sort of like the spouts they use in bars to pour shots.

So there you have it folks. Ancient beauty secret revealed ... Olive Oil and Castor Oil. I've seen other oils used in this method online. Try what you like but I know that the anti-oxidants in olive oil are life changing. As a note, I added a few drops of essential oil of lavender to my cleansing blend for a pleasant fragrance. I also noticed that my skin literally glistens and sparkles in the sun light now. It's like Mother Nature's glitter and I love it.  Phew...glad that's finished. That was a lot words to think, type and edit.